Confidence is overrated.
At least, the way most people define it.
After 50+ one-on-one follow-up calls with professionals and leaders across New Zealand and Australia, one phrase came up more than any other:
“I just want to feel more confident when I speak.”
But here’s what I learned: most people don’t actually have a confidence problem. They have a clarity problem. A structure problem. A story problem. A pressure problem.
And when you fix those? Confidence follows.
The Confidence Myth
Confidence is often treated like a personality trait. You either have it or you don’t. And if you don’t, you better fake it, fast.
But in reality, most of the leaders I coach aren’t lacking in experience or credibility. They’re not afraid of speaking altogether. They’re just:
- Unsure how to start strong
- Unsure what the point of their message actually is
- Unsure how to land the ending
And when those three things are missing, the internal dialogue kicks in:
“Am I making sense?”
“Do I sound unsure?”
“Am I rambling?”
“Did that land?”
That’s not a confidence issue. That’s a clarity issue.
And clarity can be fixed.
What 50 Leaders Actually Needed
Every person I spoke to had a different surface challenge. But the solutions? They started to repeat.
Here’s what I noticed:
✅ They needed structure
They weren’t rambling because they were bad at speaking. They were rambling because they were trying to build the bridge as they crossed it.
A 3-part message. A clear through-line. An anchor story. These tools created immediate relief.
✅ They needed permission to slow down
A lot of people rush through their message to get it over with. But great communication happens in the space between the words.
When they learned to pause? Everything changed. They suddenly sounded more confident - without changing a word.
✅ They needed emotional intent
Information is forgettable. Emotion is memorable. Leaders needed to mean what they said, not just say it.
Clarity of intent made their message land. And gave their voice power.
✅ They needed to stop pretending
The moment someone lets go of trying to sound impressive, they finally sound authentic. And that’s what we trust.
Clarity → Confidence → Conviction
This was the real pattern:
First, we created clarity.
Then, confidence showed up.
And finally, conviction took over.
Confidence was never the starting point. It was the byproduct of preparation, structure, and emotional alignment.
You can’t shortcut your way to confidence. But you can build it. And when you do? You stop sounding like someone who “trained to sound confident”, and start sounding like someone we want to follow.
Final Thought: If you’re struggling with confidence, ask yourself:
- Do I know what I’m trying to say?
- Do I know why it matters?
- Do I know how to land it?
Fix those three things, and watch what happens to your presence.
Because the best speakers aren’t the loudest. They’re the clearest. And clarity is confidence.
