I have a lot of follow-up conversations with clients after workshops, coaching sessions, or big presentations.
And there’s a pattern that comes up again and again.
They’ll say something like:
“I’ve been told I need to have a bit more presence.”
“Apparently I should come across more confident.”
“I’ve had feedback that I need to step it up a little.”
Then there’s usually a pause, followed by something like:
“I don’t actually know what that means or what I’m meant to do differently.”
I hear this kind of feedback all the time.
And honestly, it’s pretty useless.
Not because the feedback is wrong, but because it’s unfinished.
Presence isn’t advice. It’s a symptom.
When someone tells you to “have more presence,” what they’re really saying is:
“Something about how you’re showing up isn’t landing the way we need it to.”
That’s it.
The problem is that most people are then left holding the bag, trying to magically become “more present” without any clarity around what actually needs to change.
So they do what most high performers do.
They overthink.
They tighten up.
They try to act confident.
And ironically, they lose presence entirely.
Why this feedback shows up so often
In a recent follow-up coaching call, we were talking about this exact issue.
Someone had been told they needed to demonstrate more presence at work. No examples. No context. Just the label.
When we slowed it down and unpacked it properly, something interesting came out.
They had moved from being a school teacher into an executive leadership role.
Same intelligence. Same care. Same intent.
But they were still telling people what to do instead of coaching people how to think.
The feedback wasn’t really about confidence.
It was about role mismatch.
Once they saw that, the fog lifted.
They didn’t need to be more confident.
They needed to shift behaviour.
That’s how presence actually works.
Presence is not a personality trait
This is the big myth.
People talk about presence like you either have it or you don’t.
You do not need a deeper voice.
You do not need bigger gestures.
You do not need a louder personality.
You do not need to suddenly become more charismatic.
Presence is contextual behaviour, not personal magic.
It shows up in things like how you listen, how you respond under pressure, whether you ask or tell, whether you create space or fill it, and whether people feel seen when you speak.
Which means presence is trainable, once you know what’s actually missing.
How to decode vague feedback properly
Here’s the simple process I use with leaders.
When you get feedback like “be more confident” or “have more presence,” ask yourself:
- Where does this show up most? Meetings? Presentations? One-on-ones? Senior forums?
- Are you explaining? Defending? Rushing? Overloading? What’s happening just before the feedback moment?
- What would “good” look like to them instead? More decisiveness? More collaboration? More calm?
Nine times out of ten, the issue isn’t confidence.
It’s over-explaining instead of landing the point.
It’s managing tasks instead of leading people.
It’s performing competence instead of creating connection.
Once you know that, you’ve got something you can actually work with.
Presence improves when clarity improves
This is the part people don’t expect.
The fastest way to increase presence isn’t to dial yourself up.
It’s to get clearer.
Clearer on your role.
Clearer on your message.
Clearer on what the room needs from you.
When clarity goes up, presence follows automatically.
You don’t need to fake it.You don’t need to perform it.
You just need to stop guessing.
Want to go deeper?
If this resonated, there are two good next steps, depending on how far you want to take it.
If you want a low-pressure way to understand why you show up the way you do when speaking or presenting, check out my free webinar. I break down common speaking patterns and show you how to shift them with more ease and confidence.
If you want hands-on practice, real feedback, and a full day of building clarity, confidence, and presence through storytelling and delivery, take a look at the public StorySelling workshop.
Two different paths. Same outcome.
More clarity.
More confidence.
More presence, without pretending to be someone you’re not.
