The Exhaustion of Inconsistency: What One Leader Discovered About Himself in a Speaking Workshop

In leadership, every word matters. Every presentation. Every one-on-one. Every team meeting.

But what happens when the way you show up in those moments changes from day to day? When your tone, your presence, your clarity — even your mood — shift unpredictably?

What happens is this: People stop trusting what’s coming next.

This is the story of a senior leader I worked with — we’ll keep him anonymous — who discovered that how he showed up to a speaking workshop was a reflection of something much deeper. Not just how he communicates, but how he leads.

A Tale of Two Workshops

The first time he attended one of my sessions, it was a half-day workshop. The group was a mix of people — most of them sat below him in the organisational structure. There was one person more senior.

He came in with a good attitude. Serious, but light. Open to learning. Willing to take part.

A year later, he showed up again — this time for a full-day workshop with his peers: senior executives from across the business.

And his energy had shifted. Flippant. Dismissive. Detached.

He wasn’t hostile, just... unavailable. The change was noticeable. And it mattered.

The Anxious–Avoidant Speaker Assessment

Midway through the session, I had the group complete a self-assessment I developed: the Anxious–Avoidant Speaker Profile. It’s a tool designed to reveal not just how someone presents, but how their emotional patterns show up in the way they communicate.

When we debriefed the results, he quietly said:

"I think I’m a mix of both."

And I told him the truth:

"That’s what we call disorganised."

"And when someone is disorganised in their communication — when their energy and presence change from day to day — people feel like they’re walking on eggshells."

"You might be warm and charismatic one day, and cold or blunt the next. It’s not about the words you say. It’s about how predictable it feels to be around you."

Then I added something else:

"That doesn’t just affect your team. It affects your kids. Your partner. Your friendships."

"And most of the time, this kind of disorganised pattern? It’s learned. Usually from a parent."

There was a silence in the room. But it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was honest.

Because that’s what leadership is. Not always performance or polish.

Sometimes, it’s the courage to recognise what you’re carrying — and choose to lead differently.

From Realisation to Responsibility

What I respected most was that this leader didn’t deflect or resist. He leaned in. He took responsibility.

And over the rest of that workshop, you could see the shift in him — and in how others responded to him.

Since then, he’s brought me in to run multiple full-day sessions with his teams across the country. Not because he needed to tick a box. But because he saw what it meant to lead with consistency.

The Takeaway: People Can Handle Difficult

Here’s something I say often in workshops:

"People can handle someone who’s an arsehole 100% of the time. What’s exhausting is someone who’s inconsistent."

"When you don’t know who you’re going to get from one day to the next — the warm version, the blunt version, the distracted version — you stop trusting any of them."

And that’s the real cost of inconsistent leadership. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being predictable in the ways that matter.

It’s about showing up with clarity and care — not just for your team, but for yourself.

Ready to Explore the Link Between Communication and Leadership?

My workshops aren’t just about speaking. They’re about what your speaking reveals.

If you want to develop greater consistency, presence, and connection — in the boardroom and at home — you can start that journey right here.

Join the StorySelling Workshop or book a private session to go deeper. Learn more at www.storyselling.co.nz