Why Some Leaders Are Respected but Disliked—And Others Are Liked but Overlooked

Ever wondered why some people command authority but struggle to connect, while others are beloved yet often overlooked for leadership roles? The answer lies in the balance between two key leadership styles: Power and Attraction.

Great communicators—whether they’re CEOs, keynote speakers, or entrepreneurs—understand that true influence isn’t about choosing between power or attraction. It’s about mastering both.

This model gives us a practical way to diagnose and refine our communication style, helping leaders and speakers know when to dial up their authority and when to engage with warmth and relatability.

Understanding Power vs. Attraction in Leadership and Communication

Leadership markers can be grouped into two categories:

Powerful markers project authority, confidence, and control.
Attractive markers foster warmth, connection, and approachability.

Neither is inherently good or bad. The key is knowing when to use each style and how to balance them for maximum impact.

Power Leadership Markers (Command and Authority)

✅ More formal communication
✅ Direct, declarative statements
✅ Strong eye contact (while speaking)
✅ Controlled gestures and movement
✅ Expanded personal space
✅ Louder volume and faster speech rate
✅ Technical jargon and precise pronunciation
🔴 Risk: Can come across as intimidating, detached, or arrogant if overused.

Attraction Leadership Markers (Connection and Engagement)

✅ More informal, conversational tone
✅ Questions instead of declarations
✅ Empathetic responses
✅ Active listening (eye contact when listening, nodding, mirroring)
✅ Open body language and forward leans
✅ Softer voice, slower speech rate
✅ Personal idioms and inclusive language (“we,” “ours”)
🔴 Risk: Can appear submissive, uncertain, or less authoritative if overused.

Charismatic Leaders: The Perfect Balance of Power and Attraction

The most charismatic leaders and speakers naturally blend both power and attraction. They command attention and earn trust simultaneously.

In public speaking, sales, and leadership, this balance is critical:

Too much power? You may be respected but feared or disliked.
Too much attraction? You may be liked but seen as lacking leadership presence.

Power vs. Attraction in Public Speaking: A Game-Changer for Speakers

This model directly applies to public speaking and leadership coaching, particularly when analyzing the balance between Anxious and Avoidant Speaker styles.

✅ Anxious speakers often lean heavily on attraction markers, avoiding direct statements, speaking softly, and overusing hedging phrases. They may be engaging but struggle to establish authority.
✅ Avoidant speakers tend to overuse power markers, speaking in a detached, directive manner that lacks emotional connection. They may command authority but fail to engage their audience.
✅ Balanced speakers exude charisma, credibility, and trust, whether they’re giving a keynote, pitching an idea, or leading a workshop.

How to Apply This in Your Speaking and Leadership

1️⃣ Audit Your Speaking Style – Do you tend to be more powerful or more attractive? Identify which markers you default to.
2️⃣ Adjust Based on Context – In a high-stakes presentation, you may need more power. In a collaborative discussion, attraction markers build rapport.
3️⃣ Use Charismatic Leadership Tactics (CLTs) – Leverage storytelling, rhetorical questions, and confident deliveryto mix both styles effectively.
4️⃣ Practice Intentional Shifts – Consciously dial up power when leading and increase attraction markers when building trust.
5️⃣ Test & Refine – Record yourself speaking and analyze where you can better balance command and connection.

Next Steps: Become a Master of Influence

Mastering Power vs. Attraction is a game-changer for speakers and leaders. If you want to:

✅ Command the room without intimidating
✅ Engage your audience while maintaining authority
✅ Speak with confidence, clarity, and charisma

Then it’s time to refine your approach.

👉 Take the Anxious vs. Avoidant Speaker Assessment to find out where you fall—and get actionable strategies to elevate your influence.
👉 Join the StorySelling Workshop to learn how to balance power and attraction in a way that transforms your communication.