I’ve built a career helping people. But sometimes, I help to avoid helping myself.
Sounds noble, doesn’t it?
Being the go-to. The fixer. The one who shows up.
But here’s the confronting truth:
Sometimes, what looks like generosity… is actually procrastination disguised as purpose.
What Is Saviour Syndrome?
Saviour Syndrome is the compulsive need to rescue others... often at the cost of your own boundaries, growth, or wellbeing.
It’s not compassion.
It’s control, disguised as care.
It’s not service.
It’s self-worth compensation.
Psychologically, it’s a coping mechanism.
A way to soothe discomfort by feeling useful.
At its core, Saviour Syndrome is driven by:
- The need to be needed
- The dopamine rush of fixing things
- Avoidance of personal discomfort
- Guilt or a belief that your worth is tied to what you do for others
- Fear of being exposed as incapable, lazy, selfish - if you don’t help
The impulse can look like empathy.
But it’s not.
Empathy listens. The saviour jumps.
The Hidden Payoffs of Saviour Syndrome
Here’s the tricky part: it works.
At least for a while.
That quick win of helping someone else gives you:
- A dopamine hit (“Ah, I did something!”)
- A sense of control in the chaos
- Praise and validation
- A clean identity - “I’m the one who helps”
- Relief from the weight of your own undone goals
And the biggest one?
It feels like progress.
When I’m avoiding deep work - the kind that’s uncertain, uncomfortable, or slow - I go save someone.
I run over time.
I over-give.
I go beyond the ask.
It looks generous. But the truth is:
It’s procrastination, wrapped in purpose.
The Cost of Playing the Saviour
And the cost?
It’s brutal.
Burnout that creeps in under the surface.
Quiet resentment... toward others, and yourself.
Stagnant personal goals.
Enabling dependency instead of building independence.
Relationships that feel one-sided.
Boundaries that get looser every time.
A growing sense of invisibility... they shine, while you slowly disappear.
As I said in one of my coaching calls:
“The silence is thinking. Respect it.”
But saviours hate silence.
Because silence isn’t useful.
So we jump in, and rob people of the moment they actually needed.
How to Break the Saviour Loop
This is where it shifts... and it’s not easy.
But if you’ve ever felt this pattern in yourself, here’s where to start:
🔎 Awareness
Catch yourself in the moment:
“Am I rescuing right now… or responding with intention?”
🤔 Ask Yourself
“What am I avoiding in my own world right now?”
🎯 Replace the Pattern
Set micro-wins for your own priorities - tasks that give you momentum.
🛑 Define Boundaries
What does “enough” look like in support?
Create a limit... and stick to it.
🔁 Rewire Your Reward System
Train your brain to crave completion over chaos.
Mission-building over mess-cleaning.
🧠 Redefine Success
From “saving others” to “coaching others.”
Coaching empowers.
Saving enables.
Coaching is walking with.
Saving is doing for.
Final Reflection: You Can’t Save the World If You’re Drowning
Here’s what I know:
You can still help.
You can still serve.
You can still be there for people.
But…
You don’t owe people your burnout.
You owe them your brilliance.
Leadership isn’t about carrying everyone.
It’s about holding space for their growth... while staying aligned with your own.
Let’s stop using “helping” as a hiding place.
Let’s do the hard thing... the real thing.
Let’s get back to building what matters.
